I kinda feel bad (okay not really but a little)

I really amuse myself if you know me you know this is true, I make myself laugh about stupid things... it is just who I am...

Empathy, which literally translates as 'in feeling', is the capability to share and understand another's emotions and feelings. It is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes". I think that this is something that alot of people don't seem to have. Empathy is the ability to feel someone elses emotions. It isn't about you.... I think there are a lot of people that make everything about them and how they feel and how things effect them BUT it isn't always about you and how you feel. Sometimes I would like to just yell "this isn't about you!!" Now if you know me you know that when you tell me about something and I have had soemthing liket hat happen to me I will tell you about my experience BUT never do I make it about me or how something makes me feel I feel what you feel... I think in this country most people have issues with empathy and not having any empathy for other human beings...... Okay a vent about something that has happened and no I won't tell you any details BUT that is my vent for the day....
~Eileen~

I think I might be hypersensitive to things that certain people say...

So anyways that is it for now....
~Eileen~

I like who I am. I am me :~) seriously I like the person I am... I am a person who gets it done, yes last minute BUT I usually get it done on time not a second to spare (sometimes I am late on birthdays but I try to be on time) but I can usually get it all done with a smile on my face because that is who I am... I am a person who would be almost anything for anyone. I like being that person. I am never rude to people even to people who are rude to me I am still nice and polite to them....
That is part of the problem, that is what I don't like about me, I never stand up for myself. Almost never, there are certain people in my life I will leave nameless (but if you are reading this I am sure you can figure out who I am talking about) who say and do things that are rude and somethings just down right mean... And sometimes it is just a little comment on like facebook BUT I still think it is mean especially when you say things that aren't true and why do you do that? So people think you are someone you are not.. I say just be who you are and own up to it.... I am just me....

Well I am bummed that the governor isn't going with me to deliver meals BUT it is okay because that means today is a free day for me since I was only going to be delivering 5 meals and I had a sub covering my regular route and we don't want to cancel a sub driver so I will just take today off as a personal day so I will get paid, so what is wrong with that? Things could be a lot worse so all is good.. I am a bit bummed about not meeting the Governor and his wife BUT another time no big deal.....

Eileen

It is the coolest thing ever... tomorrow the Governor of NH is doing my meals-on-wheels route with me... Okay I don't like all this politics BUT he is knowns to be a good person and hell I am just excited to meet him.....
And he is doing this because he wants to there will be no press, no reporters and news crew no-one like that will be around and no he doesn't want to cut the program he just wants to see it in action..
Well I cna't imagine he would cut out meals-on-wheels because it is a great program that helps a lot of people and if he ever wanted to get elected again he won't cut out a program that helps the elderly...
BUT I am so excited that the Governor and his wife will be tagging along with me tomorrow....

~Eileen~

Okay I have 2 things to blog about 1 good 1 bad and instead of putting them in 1 blog I am doing them seperate. I will do bad 1st...
I hate cancer, cancer sucks!! No I don't have cancer but my dad died of cancer and some members of Rick's family and some close friends have had family who died of cancer and well it sucks!!
BUT Zachary has a friend who is same age as him (11) who has a 5 year old brother and they mother (who is about the same age as me) a few years ago she was 1st diagnosed with cancer and has since gone through a couple rounds of chemo and radiation and well now there is nothing else they can do BUT as the husband told me all they can do is make memories.... and somehow make it okay for their kids.... that is so sad! The thing is she is one of the bravest people I know because she puts on a smile and goes on and really makes it okay for her kids. You seee her at the school and around town and she never says this sucks (I am sure she thinks it) never says she is too busy never says she doesn't feel good BUT she smiles and says she is fine knowing she isn't fine BUT doesn't complain and really makes it good for her kids... I am sure in private she does complain and stuff BUT out in public she has on a great face...I know that is what you have to do BUT it has got to be so hard knowing that there is nothing besides a cure for cancer that will save you..
BUT her and her husband and kids go on and make the best memories they can now..
So yes cancer sucks!!

My issue of the day is this I think I am fat.... I know that is my fault and I am blaming no-one....

The thing is I have always thought I was fat. When I was a kid I thought I was fat I was never told I was fat BUT I was short and chunky... BUT what is even worse is that I had a sister who was tall and skinny. And she never told me I was fat and neither did any family member, well my dad had nicknames for me and my sister when we were little Julie's nickname was princess (of course she was the 1st little girl they are always princesses) and my was pumpkin which is a cute nickname but pumpkins the best pumpkins are short, round and fat.....



Now when I was younger I was like my daughter Kaitlyn's size a size 3 or 5 depending on the brand and that isn't fat I know Kaitlyn isn't fat BUT when I was her age I thought I was fat...

Now I have gone from a size 12 to a size 6 and I still look in the mirror and see a fat girl... You would think that being in a size 6 is good and it is BUT why do I still think I am fat??


I work out almost every day both am and evening and I do that because it gives me energy and just makes me feel better all around and I don't plan to stop, I also stopped snacking I used to snack the whole time I was at work BUT now I take a water and either a piece of fruit or a 100 calorie pack with me and that's it.... but I think no matter what I will always see that fat girl in the mirror.....

Okay so I ingnored a friend request on facebook a while ago (4 times same person so far) I got another friend request from that same person today.. So what to do, I am not being a facebook friend because to me that means a friend I don't have friends and then facebook friends they are the same either you are a friend or you are not a friend plain and simple......
Kaitlyn has told me if she keeps getting the same person requesting then she befriends them because until you do they will keep trying BUT maybe they could get a hint, if I haven't friended you the 1st 4 times I don't think I will the 5th time...
The weirdest part is I have no idea why that person wants to be my friend, she clearly doesn't like me so why would she want to be my friend on facebook? I sent her email updates and pictures of the kids what more does she want from me??

~Eileen~

Okay I doubt I need to say this because everyone knows me BUT I am going to say it anyways......
I am a cold mean bitch who just loves creating drama!!!
Yup that is me!!

I will say it just didn't seem like the 4th of July.... forever 4th of July meant Gram's bday and now that she is gone the 4th of July was just like anyother day..
don't get me wrong we had a great day we went to the beach with good friends and really had a great day BUT it didn't feel like the 4th of July.......
This 4th of July should have been Gram's 98th birthday, I miss Gram....

~Eileen~

facebook....
I think it is funny how when you have a facebook account people try to befriend you.. Like here is an example, I was in school with this kids who harrassed me daily (he was in my shop) he would try and pull me into the boys bathroom with me but the best was on shop days he would take my tools away from me and put then down his pants and tell me if I wanted them back I had to get them.. And now he tries to befriend me on facebook, NO THANK YOU!! I think facebook is cool to reconnect with people from the past BUT I will not befriend anyone that I am not or was not friends with... Facebook to me is a place for friends....

Okay I got to tell you today at work wasn't the best day ever.... We had a new client start today and my boss says it is a smelly house... Okay I am not afraid before I get there since I have been in some really smelly houses... So I find the house and start walking to the side door and before I even reach the door I can smell something bad from the driveway.. I knock on the door and then open the door and go in and the 1st thing I think is oh my god! the 2nd thing I think is I am going to vomit.. I did my best to breathe and talk to the client without my face showing how grossed out I was.. I can't even describe the smell, there were puddles of dog urine on the kitchen floor, a litter box, a smell of human urine and the fridge what can I say the bottom of the white fridge (the freeze part) is black covered in mold, there was a garbage smell too all mixed and really if I had eaten breakfast I am sure it would have come up.. The thing is I will need to go back there... I left there and felt sick for the rest of the day.... I will need to bring vicks with me and put some up my nose before I go into that house... It really was the worst thing I have ever smelled in my life!!!!!!! Because no matter what it smells like, no matter how sick it makes me that couple needs us to deliver meals to them each day....
I

Okay okay I have been trying to stay positive BUT I can't stand much more rain!! I might scream if the rain doesn't stop soon!! I mean this is summer vacation, we should be out in the sun enjoying the pool but not only is it raining it is chilly so come on we need sun and fun for the summer..

Eileen

Today is another day that I have to go to work... Don't get me wrong I LOVE MY JOB!!! Don't tell anyone BUT I would do it for free.. It is a great feel good job!! I feel good about myself every day I do it!! BUT during the summer it is hard, Kaitlyn has a cheer camp she has to go to, if you were a varsity cheerleader you help run a summer cheer camp for the middle school kids who want to go to cheer camp. Great idea BUT that means I don't have a babysitter.. I can go in late at 10 am and be done by 12 if I try hard but it is hard to keep kids in the van for so long, now don't get all worried and call the police I deliever meals so I am driving around that time and if I go into any apartment buildings they come with me but most of the time I am quick in and quick out of houses so they can sit in the van....
Plus I like that work time it is my peaceful time which won;t be very peaceful if I can yelling at kids to stop and to behave all day...

1st I will say I never understand why I was always having to pay for school lunch, the rule is you can get hot lunch 2 days a week (sometimes I would let 3 if the kids really liked the lunch) and the rest you have to bring lunch, school lunch is expensive and I just can't afford more then that... Well today I said to the triplets clean our your backpacks, I got lazy during the school year and let them take care of making sure I get papers I need and letting them take care of cleaning out their own backpacks (they are 10 almost 11 and were in the 5th grade), well after that I went to check and Zacharys was still heavy so I told him again to clean out his backpack, again I checked when he said he was done and it was still heavy so I look and I see a tupperware container which pasta in it pasta that I cooked a month ago so again I say clean out your backpack and wash that container because man it smelled and I thought that would be a good lesson, I sat with him as he cleaned out his backpack and there were more then 10 moldy sandwiches in the main pocket I sat with him when he cleaned it out and then when the big pocket was done it was still heavy there was another pocket FULL of moldy bagels and fruit.. We now have 1/2 a trash bag full of moldy smelly stuff... GROSS!!!!!!!
they are 10 (almost 11) Somedays I just wonder when will life get easier and somedays I just want to scream!!!

Today is a day I want to scream BUT I didn't I kept my cool and had him clean out his packpack and wash the smelly containers.....

Tomorrow the the last day of school... Hard to believe BUT another whole school year has gone by and summer vacation starts officially tomorrow at 10:30 for Kaitlyn and at 12:45 for the triplets..

I really hope that the weather clears up and we experience some summer type weather!! If not it will feel like a long summer.. The pool has been open and ready since April and the kids did swim a couple time BUT really we need some warm summer days so we get some good pool days in!!

As for plans for the summer not too much going on, soccer camp, cheer camp, weekend soccer tournaments and summer soccer for Kaitlyn and summer school for Zachary just to catch him up and it is Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 8 am to 9 am so no real big deal.... and 1 week in August in PA.

I am working since I just took 2 weeks off for the cousins visit I will have to work most of the summer but I get home by 12:30 so we should still be able to have some fun afternoons...

Thats it for now,
~Eileen~

Okay I have been feeling really negative lately and that really isn't me so I thought I want to post a positive...
I have an awesome sister I have to say I have a 7 passenger van and my sister has an 8 passenger suv, well I have 3 nephews and a niece coming up to stay with me and at 1st I thought we would have to drive 2 cars where ever we went BUT me and my sister trade while they are here so now I can fit all 7 kids in 1 vehicle now isn't that awesome!!! I think it is!!!!!!!

Today was a busy day 1st I worked for the orthodontist (I have worked in that office since 1989) just when she works on saturday nowadays since it is far away but still them to Rebeccas softball game and now off to a fisher cats game..
Should be fun there will be fireworks after too..
BUSY day BUT filled and fun too!!

Well off to the game.
eileen